A friend I met on the road commented: Man, you left everything behind, but you look even happier. I replied: I am happier precisely becoz I left everything behind. Now, the whole world in open for me.
When i say that material things do not make you happy, people say that i’m just preaching. But no. I prove every point i preach. Look at me. Everyone says that i look happier than before. And they find it strange. Coz, i’ve left behind all material possessions. But what they don’t see is that i’m happier than before precisely coz i left behind all material possessions. I do not have anything now, but i’m far happier than before. And you can see it. I’m not making any excuses or false claims. You can see it in my eyes, in my face, in my expressions, and in my total being.
And there’s a reason. With the material possessions, i also left behind all the tensions that come with possessions. Since i do not possess anything now, i also do not possess any tension. I do not also feel any responsibility. I’ve refused to live by any fucking social norms. And i was never this much carefree in my life before.
When dad’s house was complete and it was time to shift i told him that from now on i’m not going to live with the society anymore. That I’d live alone by myself. Dad was dumbfounded. ‘You’re a fool’, he said. ‘Can you live alone?’ he asked. Dad said, ‘After your mom’s death, I’d also tried to live alone. But I couldn’t do it. It’s impossible.’ But Dad didn’t know that how far his son has gone.
I told him, ‘You read Gita every day. Don’t you know what Krishna said? That everything is just a Maya. That everything is Illusion.’ Then Dad said, ‘You’re right. Now that i’ve grown old, i can also say that everything is illusion. If you think you will be happy by living alone, i won’t stop you. But still i’m your father. I feel concerned.’
All dads are like that. They see you only as their sperms…as their possessions. Nature compels them to make it sure that their sperms survive. And that’s why i say that although dad’s nearing his 70′s, he never learned how to live a good life. One day he said, ‘Life’s difficult.’ Often i get so angry with dad’s foolishness that i feel like beating him. But then when i see his worrying face, i feel pity for him. He could never get out of Maya Moha Jaal or the illusions of Maya. He really never learned how to live a good life.
Then one day my brother came to my room. He looked around and said, ‘You’re living in such a poor condition? Come to your own house, you don’t know what you’re missing.’ Dad had put his house on brother’s name. Coz like many other people, dad also thinks that i’m a little crazy. And this is a Kaliyuga. And, as the scriptures say, in Kaliyuga, whoever wears the Gold Crown on his head, he gets intoxicated. Such is the nature of the Gold.
But still he’s my only brother. And i’m his only brother. Once he suggested me, ‘You write interesting memoirs. And you’ve very faithful company of friends since your college days. Write memoirs about your college days & friends’. But he may not have imagined that i was going to write a memoir related to him. When i decided that i won’t live with them anymore, he felt sorry and he was hurt. He was even angry at my decision. ‘You’re too much self-centered’ he texted me. But, although my brother is only two years junior to me, i still see him as a kid. What he doesn’t know that by living alone, i’m challenging the whole social system. I’ll never compromise with the society. And if i’m right, I’ll win. And i’m winning. Even my one relative admitted to me recently, ‘Ok, i admit you win’.
One day, my brother texted me, ‘I’m going to marry. Can you help me?’ I called him to my office. ‘You look like a majdoor, a menial worker. Your hair has also grown long’ he expressed his sympathies. Then he said, ‘Apun Shaadi karne jaa raha hai, suit nahi silwayega? (I’m getting married, won’t you get a suit for yourself?). I could see on his face that within two months that I’d started living by myself, he’d begun missing me. Society is like that. Society is just a fucking trap. And since he was going to marry, i felt pity for him even more. ‘Kaise log jaan boojhkar khud ko gaddhe me daal lete hai’ (‘I’m amused to see how people knowingly put themselves in trouble.’), I teased him. He said, ‘Life’s like that. No matter what you do, there’ll always be some difficulty in life.’
But, after his marriage, when he came to my room with his wife, i was suddenly happy to see them together. And l laughed. She’s a nice girl. But since she’s a newly married girl, she’s also a little insecure. And society might have cautioned her about me like: He’s your Jethaju, Brother-in-law, be careful of his intentions, & blah, blah, blah. After marriage, my brother texted me, ‘I took the right decision by marrying her. She’s such a kind of girl. Marrying is really healing’. I was also happy to see them happy. Moreover, now i was also free even more. Now the society won’t say that your brother couldn’t marry coz you’re not marrying. But, still, i cannot help thinking how long would they be happy in this fucking society?
One day, he said to me, ‘Look Divas, now we’re already in our 30′s…and we’re not growing emotionally’. I think, it was our mom who made us emotionally too much attached. However, the day arrived when i grew up emotionally…and i grew up so well that i grew out of all worldly attachments. I grew out of all Maya Moha Jaal. Some people say that i started living alone because of my personal differences with dad & brother. However, they’re wrong. That i’m living alone means that I’m challenging the whole society. Once my one cousin asked me, ‘You’re so defiant. Don’t you need society?’ Here’s my answer: No, i don’t need society.
And now, the society is jealous of me. Becoz it could not trap me in its snare. Every time society tries to trap me, i dodge it…hahaha…. And now, i want to prove that i can live alone by myself. And still, i’m happier than before. I never feel lonely or bored. And i do whatever i want. Moreover, i’m also not going to run away from society. I’m not an escapist. I will be in this world, and i WILL change it, and yet i’ll not be in this world. Got it? This is what my friend Buddha meant when he gave the symbol of lotus flower – remaining in the water and yet not allowing the water to touch you; remain in the mud, and yet transcend the mud so that it cannot pollute you. This is how i challenge the whole world. I won’t do anything. I’d just sit and let the Karma do everything. And like my that relative, one day the society will be compelled to say to me, ‘Yes Divas, we admit, you win, we lose’.
So this is my challenge to the whole world: I WILL change you. Can you dare to fight with me? heeheeheehee..hohohoho…haahaahaahaa….